I came across my old blog from 2015 and there were some really interesting reads in there. So, I want to share some of them with you. Particularly when it relates to my recovery from Panic Attack Disorder as you can never really write as well from memory as you do when you are literally living in that moment of trauma.
Here is Part One of my Panic Attack Recovery from 2015...
"So it has taken me a while to start this blog. One reason is time but I think a lot of it has to do with having to relive and revisit those feelings of severe anxiety and panic attacks in order to share my journey with you. So I'm going to dive right into it and explain what happened to me so we can get that right out of the way and move on to the more important part, recovery.
Getting ready for a Figure bodybuilding competition is extremely taxing on your body and mind. In order to get lean enough for the stage you have to go through vigorous cardio and weight training sessions whilst on a very restricted diet. You get very tired and just to get through the day and through your training sessions, one might rely on caffeine and other stimulants. I did exactly that. Side note: I was an all natural body builder so it made it even HARDER because I didn't have 'help'. FAR too many stimulants, fat burners, and caffeinated products to survive the training and to burn extra body fat. I'm not going to go into my terrible coaches and what they did. I am trying to make peace with it.
After my show, I needed to lose even more body fat for other shows I had planned to do so up went the intensity of EVERYTHING. My body finally shut down and said 'enough is enough'. We were at the airport about to fly home from The Olympia in Las Vegas and I had my first panic attack. That plane ride was horrendous and I literally thought I was dying. I got home and continued to take stimulants to get even leaner. I had a panic attack randomly at a restaurant with friends. A month later, still on stimulants/fat burners, we flew to New Orleans for a trip. I had a panic attack on the plane there, spent 3 days in severe anxiety, and then another attack on the plane home.
When I got home, I spent a week in a heightened state of anxiety. I couldn't stand it so I made an appointment with the doctor. He prescribed me Paxil (DO NOT TAKE THIS!) and Xanax. I took one Paxil pill and thought I was going to die. I was home alone as my husband was in Canada for work. I got every bad side effect listed. I took Xanax once to try to counter the awful effects of the devils pill (Paxil) and it just made me more anxious because I was nervous about taking it. I never took another westernized pill again after those two (except for my Thyroid medicine).
That is the basic story without going into too much detail because I'm already feeling anxious reliving this. Taking those doctor prescribed pills was the most traumatic experience I've ever been through. I literally thought I was going to die. I now have post traumatic stress disorder thanks to that doctor giving me a pill that was completely wrong for me.
The first attack happened September 2014 but the true trauma happened 1st December 2014. It is now the 23rd of April 2015 and I can't actually remember my last full panic attack. I am not able to fly on a plane yet as even just the thought of it brings on panic attack feelings (even though before all this I've flown all over the world and LOVE it).
Onwards and Upwards
January and February were really awful months but March was better and April even better than March. Time really does heal but it wasn't just time that was helping me. I have been doing MANY things to help with the everyday anxiety. I am going to write several parts to this anxiety blog so I can hopefully help others suffering from generalized anxiety, panic attack disorder, or post traumatic stress disorder. I didn't want each part to be a novel for you so that's why I am going to split up my recovery tips into categories. Some of the categories I will be posting about are Yoga, Nutrition for Anxiety, Meditation, Natural Herbs, Aromatherapy, Weight training and Cardiovascular training, Grounding and the First Chakra, and Home Tips. Thank you for listening to my story and respecting my reasons for not getting too specific. I invite all questions and comments throughout these anxiety recovery blog entries as the whole reason I am doing this is to help others get through this awful condition NATURALLY. Keep your eyes peeled for Part 2!"
Wow. Rereading that really made me relive it all. I could tell that I was still in such a heightened state of anxiety because I didn't go into full details about my experience.
You can listen to my PODCAST episode where I dive much deeper into my Panic Attack Disorder.